I then began to tell her about my path after high school, and ended up coming to a realization. Basically, while in college (and before), I worked pretty hard. I practiced a decent amount, I studied music and composers, and I listened to a lot of music. I was always considered one of the better players at CWU when I was there, as well as afterwards in whichever area I lived in.
So, I worked hard, but I didn't work that hard. I had no idea when I was in school how hard I had to work to achieve my goals: being a full-time performer in a major orchestra, or in Hollywood. I didn't realize that those I was competing against were practicing twice as much as I was every day, and studying more. So, of course, I've had many disappointing auditions. And for a long time since I graduated, I've considered myself a failure. I am jealous when I see professional, full-time players, particularly those who are my age or younger (like most of the Seattle Symphony horn section). It's been a burden on me because...I failed to achieve my goals.
But when I talked with this student, I had a realization: I still worked hard enough to make a career out of music, in many ways. I worked hard enough to be a great model horn player, and have been a good enough horn teacher not only to those who start lessons with me on horn, but also to those who start on a different instrument and want to start playing horn. I have also worked hard to develop enough proficiency on trumpet, trombone and tuba, enough to keep these students engaged even as they get through high school. I've basically worked hard enough to be a good teacher that keeps students. I've been told so many times by students by students and parents that I am the reason that they are still playing music, and doing so well at it. I've even been told, "I wouldn't have been able to do this without you."
I also have worked hard to develop a brass ensemble program that kids keep coming back to, and to enough to conduct it well. I even instruct other students how to conduct and rehearse those groups properly, as I have been doing with a former student (now a college student) this summer.
I've also worked hard enough to have some success as a composer and arranger. I mean, you're here on my website now probably because of that, and I have my works not only here, but distributed with a major music distributer, and published by two other companies.
And I've done all this while being a stay-at-home parent.
So yeah, I've done alright. I know, I shouldn't be tooting my own horn like this, as modesty is most polite. But I can't help it! I really shouldn't be too disappointed in myself. I'm working two full-time jobs, one as a parent, one as a freelance musician. And you know what? I'm maintaining students, and my kids aren't dead and don't hate me. I'm doing more that society says I should be.
And I have even survived the pandemic as a musician. I did video lesson with most of my students, and am now doing everything again, including my brass ensembles and my own performing. I even had the brass camp.
So yeah...I did alright. It's a nice lesson learned about myself, and a nice thing to mention to my students when talking about careers. I love talking to my students about careers, and about my experiences, both as a success and as a failure.
So, I'll tell myself now, no complaining. Heh, let's see how long I remember that.
Take care, and seriously, value music.