It's worse now. I have another confession to make: I'm very disappointed in myself that I haven't gotten farther in performance. I expected so much out of myself when I was a student, but had no idea how much I needed to practice to get to that level of elite. So I'm not there. And when I hear the players that are there, I get kinds down on myself, and I sit here and wish that I was them, playing what they're playing, playing just like them. And speaking of the Seattle Symphony Horn, I've auditioned 3 times for them, where I played my worst, in seems like, and 4 of those guys are around my age.
It's hard for me to see that stuff...because of me. I set the bar high at the start, and haven't reached it yet.
And I'm tired of feeling this way.
Woah, now. Reading this, I bet you're thinking, "well, Sean's just complaining again." Just wait, I'm going somewhere with this...thanks for continuing to read on, by the way.
So I'm going to do something about this. Since I'm disappointed in my lack of hard work and ability on horn, I'm gonna change it. I'm going to start working myself towards being a better player. And as I do that, I'm gonna get myself back into the audition circuit, and make videos of my playing that I can be proud of. As a result, as well, I'm going to be a better role model for my students, which I feel I could do better.
How am I gonna do this? It's really simple: I just need to practice more.
So I'm starting my New Year's Resolution early: I'm going to put myself on the path, however long, to the status of elite. I'm gonna make myself proud in some form. I'm gonna work towards some great feat or accomplishment, some great job or project. I can't say I'm gonna go win a symphony job because the odds aren't in my favor for that. Just too hard with the amount of jobs available vs. the amount of playing trying to get them. But, I still want to try. two months ago I was telling myself how not ready I was to audition. I aim to start the path to change that.
It's time to end this crap.
So we'll see how this goes. In other news, It's been an eventful musical December. Playing with Mannheim Steamroller was really fun, and the Saratoga Orchestra Christmas concert was very well-attended and exciting. My brass ensembles had their winter concert on Monday, and it was very exciting having my high school group, the Penn Cove Brass, play music from the Nutcracker. I was so proud of them.
And tomorrow is going to be fun. I'm gathering my students, as well as local professionals and community members that play brass instruments, and we're playing Christmas carols out of my quartet books in front of the Oak Harbor Safeway. This is our 2nd year of this, and I'm really excited! Hopefully folks will take videos and photos so I can show you.
But anyways, let's do this. Let's get to the high level. Let's reverse the disappointment. C'mon, Sean.
Take care and value music.