Along those same lines, there is another really cool long-term opportunity I could have had. The Interlochen Academy of the Arts is looking for a new Horn Teacher and Director of Brass Studies. I'd heard of the Interlochen summer camp, which is one of the most prestigious and popular summer camps for high schoolers in the country, but I didn't know they had a year-round academy that has full-time teachers and such. I mean, this job is perfect for me. I'd not only be teaching horn and preparing them for college, but I'd be running the show in the brass department, helping with coaching in large groups and small groups, playing along them a lot in rehearsals, performing on recitals for them...it's like what I'm doing now, but it's like a regular job with benefits and retirement. And the position is so prestigious itself...I imagine what it would be like to say, "I work year-round at Interlochen as the horn teacher and brass studies director."
I serious considered applying for this job...but last night I stopped considering it, after talking with some people. There are just too many cons versus the pros. The pros, of course, being what I just listed above. But the cons...oh boy, they take their toll, and I've concluded that it just isn't worth it enough. I mean, we don't have any family in Michigan...everyone is here in the Pacific Northwest. We really like living where we live...how are we sure we'll like living in western Michigan? What about my wife finding a job when we get there? Will it be a good financial decision right away?
And then there's my students. If you've kept up with my blog posts you know that I love my students and they love me. It's as simple as that: If I left, how would they feel? I asked some of them this yesterday, and unanimously they assured me that they would be devastated. One of my seniors, whom I've taught for 7 years, told me that they are all relying on me, that I've done so much for them, that they would be hardly anything in the music world without me. Several of them have told me that I'll never really know how much they like me and need me...But I know that they do. If that's really what they think, what good would I be to leave them? Fulfilling a dream of mine, sure. But y'know, I'm sort of past that. I'm not really concerned with following my dreams anymore. I mean, it would be really great to. But I care about my students so damn much, and I've got my own kids to raise and a wife. And I get to play horn professionally enough, with the Saratoga Orchestra here and visiting the Yakima Symphony several times a year. I must admit that the amount of my professional playing isn't quite satisfied enough, but I've come to terms with it because I've got enough on my plate.
So...my life is what you can call "full" right now...it's steady, it's complete. I can't make a big change like that. It would affect too much. I can't bear the thought of my weeping students after telling them I'm leaving...that would kill me inside (and they would literally kill me...one threatened to tie me to my teaching chair). I can't bear the thought of not working with them, either...I'd hate moving away from mine and my wife's family also, and away from this area. It's perfect. I even find it hard to move away from access to live Mariners baseball.
I guess you can say this job opportunity at Interlochen has made me realize what I really have here...I should be very grateful...and just lighten up already.
My job in life right now is to take care of others. Taking care of myself can wait...and I'm okay with that.
Take care and value music.