Now, let me tell you a bit more about my earlier years in music. As some of you may know, I started out in music as a tenor sax playing in 5th grade. From then and all the way through middle school, I didn't consider music to be my passion. I didn't really practice much, or listened to music much. I mean, band was fun and I enjoyed it, and I was pretty good at it. So I just kept playing.
However, this spark lit up inside of me in 9th grade, and I suddenly wanted to be an orchestral musician. More specifically, I wanted to be part of the recording studio orchestra for movie soundtracks in LA. I wanted so very badly to do that. I have the soundtrack of Star Wars to thank for that. So I picked up the clarinet and bass clarinet, and started listening to and appreciating western music more and more.
And, I mean, what a great time in my life to truly develop the passion. I had plenty of time (since I was an only child hardly involved in any activities at school) to practice and prepare, and I did use my time decently. When I started playing horn in 11th grade, I got good quick, and knew that I wanted to major is performance in college. The passion and drive to be a studio recording orchestral musician was there.
And it continued through college. However, one major issue surfaced when in college: My poor work ethic. I never really worked hard for anything in my life. I was a solid B student in school, was never great at any sports (because I didn't practice them) and basically never accomplished anything super extravagant. Sure, I practiced my horn and studied a good deal in college, but it just wasn't enough. I had the mindset of "there's always tomorrow" or "I'll get it sometime in the future". How wrong I was. I just didn't realize how much I needed to practice and study to make it as a full-time performer...especially one good enough to play in LA.
I realized it when it was too late: When I started a family. Even being married took up a good chunk of my time, and because of my poor time management ability, I didn't use my time to practice when I had it. And before we had kids, I had tons and tons of time to practice, particularly after getting my bachelor's degree. I was just...lazy. Sure, I did practice somewhat, maybe twice a day for a total of an hour and a half. But how did I expect to make it as a performer when practicing only for that amount? I have no idea what I was thinking...probably, "there's always tomorrow" again.
When I went to graduate school at UW-Milwaukee, I learned a lot and improved a lot...but practice time just simply wasn't available, between family, working to support said family, and school. When I lost the ability to work hard towards my career, I realize how hard I needed to work towards my career. I took my past free time for granted. And I would never get it back.
Now, things are a little different. I have some time to practice, but it's usually distracted practice because I have kids to watch at home. In the evenings, I'm usually teaching lessons, and when the kids are in bed and my wife's home, we spend time together. Sure, I could be more deliberate with practicing 5 hours a day, which may shut my family out more and make them unhappy, but I've sort of just given up on my dream of being an LA studio musician. Because I screwed up.
What makes it worse is when I see on the "Horn People" Facebook page (which is one of two reasons I use Facebook anymore) pictures of the LA studio horn section that recorded the soundtrack for a certain movie. Last week it was a picture of the hornists in the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Some of the players in that photo looked to be around my age! Guess how that made me feel...
I've seen many photos of the studio musicians in the last couple years. It's just a reminder of how I failed to achieve my goal. I just don't see myself ever getting to that level of player. I'm very fortunate though, because I still get to do music for my job and am making a decent income doing so...definitely more money that I would be if I were working retail full-time...which I've done a lot in my life. So, I'm very lucky to be a successful free-lancer. You have to be pretty good to success at that.
But this is a very important lesson I learned, and it's one I can pass on to my students, as well as my own children. If you dream big like I did, you have to prepare big.
It's really sad because my passion to this day still is to play in an orchestra...Okay, now I'm showing self-pity. I guess I lied. Oh, well. But seriously, playing in the orchestra is my most favorite thing to do in the world. I envy all of those out there who were smart enough to work hard and win a full-time job. I hope you realize how badly I want your job.
Take care and value music.