And with two weeks away, I'll let you in on a little secret: I'm a little nervous...
So here's the deal. I am playing a piece in front of an orchestra at a concert (two concerts, actually) that people are paying good money to see. That means I have to play it well. We're two weeks away, and I'm not prepared yet to play it. There are still technical passages I'm not consistently playing correctly. And I'm not sure if I've built up the endurance yet to make it all the way through. I guess there's only one way to find that out. But man, I should be a little closer to being prepared for this by now. But there's one thing I don't have, and that's time to practice.
On top of that, this piece I'm playing is something I wrote, so it has to connect with the audience and sound like a piece that they enjoy. Luckily, that part is sort of out of my control now, because the piece is completed. But when a composer has a big premiere like this, it's only natural to wonder if the audience is going to like it or not. I chose to be optimistic on this topic, because I really feel like this piece, at this point, is my masterpiece. I really, really like my concerto. I just hope some folks like it as much as I do.
So yeah, the performance aspect of it is what I need to worry about. And believe me, I am worrying about it. It's amazing how little free time I have to practice, for so many different reasons. It's come to the point that I may have to do what I did in graduate school in order to practice: sacrifice sleep. Thank god I have the Yamaha Silent Brass System so I don't disturb my family.
So sure, I complain about not having time, but I have to keep telling myself this:
"I am an advanced musician. Good enough isn't good enough. There is always time to practice; sometimes I just have to make the time. There is no reason why I can't play anything on my horn. Bad preparation is unacceptable. I am an advanced musician--sound like it."
Take care and value music.