Yeah, so just in case you were out of the loop, the Saratoga Orchestra of Whidbey Island and I premiered my Concerto for Horn & Orchestra No. 1 "Reverence" this past weekend. If you want to listen to the performance on Sunday, click here.
I gotta tell you, I was really hoping to impress the audience, and even the orchestra musicians, with this piece. I knew when I began writing it that it was going to be the biggest opportunity for me in terms of composition. I had never had a professional group play any of my original works; it had always been student ensembles. Well, the reception and feedback I got from the two performances this weekend were...well, let's just say that the reaction was pretty much the best reaction imaginable. There was so much positivity and commendation from the audience, getting comments about how beautiful the concerto was, how awesome it was, how it moved them, how well I played it...and the orchestra members, their comments were amazing too, saying how great the piece was and how fun it was, and how it should be amongst the standards in horn concerto literature. Many of my students were in the audience, and the reaction they had was astounding. My mother attended both concerts, because she liked it so much the first day that she wanted to hear it again the second day. I was extremely flattered after each performance.
I've never gotten that kind of feedback from a piece...or really, from anything I'd ever done. It's the kind of response you dream of getting after doing something that you had put so much of your time an effort in, sort of like winning a big-time symphony job.
So what do I think about how the weekend went? What was my feedback? Well, I stand by the fact that this concerto is my masterpiece. As far as the playing goes...I'm really torn. I realized after the performance that the expectation I had for myself in performing this concerto was a little too high. It all boils down to this: a man with 3 young children, a busy work schedule (28 lesson students per week) and an active family life simply just doesn't have enough time to perfect a piece of this difficulty. My performance this weekend wasn't satisfying enough to me in terms of technique because I didn't get to practice enough, and the one element that gives a musician his power wasn't there for me: trust. I didn't trust myself on the most challenging passages and thus they didn't go perfectly. I didn't trust my ability to have endurance until the end and thus I got a little tired.
I dunno, maybe I'm being to hard on myself. But I just wish I could've performed my concerto at a high level, a level that I really want to be at but just can't seem to get there. It is all a matter of practice time. How do I find more time to practice while keeping up with programs for 3 ensembles I conduct, lesson planning & research, actually teaching lessons, take my kids to school and picking them up, spending quality time with my wife, keeping the house clean, and so much more? Not sure how to do that.
But anyways, about the performance: I mean, listen to it and make your own judgements about how I played, if you'd like. I feel like for the most part I did a really good job, but I'm really not satisfied with a few of the technical passages, or the high notes. I feel like I should be better. The standard is set high for myself. If I'm really going to call myself a professional, the level as to be higher.
That's how you succeed in this world when it comes to performance-based occupations. If you aren't elite, you struggle to survive.
Sorry, I didn't mean for such a joyous post to turn into such a grave post. I just wanted to express how I felt this weekend. That's what blogs are for, right?
Take care and value music.